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March 3, 2019
Luke 9:28-36 (37-43)
A couple of weeks ago, Daniel, Becky and I were having one of those casual office conversations. About what exactly, I’m not sure, but for one reason or another something in a book I read back in the spring of 2016 came to mind. So, I went into my office to pull the book, Glittering Vices, off the bookshelf. First, I wanted to refresh my own recollection, and second, I wanted to read a particular section to them. That section was about a vice Thomas Aquinas called pusillanimity.
Now and if you are anything like the three of us, my saying the word pusillanimity may be the first time you have ever heard it and if that is so, then I think it fair to say you aren’t really sure what it means. In revisiting this book, written by Rebecca Konyndyk DeYoung, I was reminded that this idea of pusillanimity was how the book started. In fact, it was found on the first page of the Introduction. This is where we learn how DeYoung’s research on the virtue of Courage led her to learn about Aquinas’ take on pusillanimity, which really means smallness of soul. According to Aquinas, “Those afflicted by this vice shrink back from all that God has called them to be. When faced with the effort and difficulty of stretching themselves to the great things of which they are capable, they cringe and say, ‘I can’t’… [they] rely on their own puny powers and focus on their own potential for failure, rather than counting on God’s grace to equip them for great work… work beyond anything they might have dreamed of for themselves.”
This concept of smallness of soul took DeYoung back to her first year of graduate school when she wished more than anything to be somewhere else. Not because she didn’t want to further her study, rather she writes, “Everyone in my classes seemed so smart, so witty, so well read, so eager and able to ask brilliant and insightful questions.”[1] She recalls all sorts of questions that came to mind in her new-found state of lowliness. “How did I – obviously so inferior – ever get admitted with these people? How soon would they find out who I really was (or wasn’t), and quietly shoo me out the back door in disgrace?”[2] She began asking herself. Ultimately, she writes “I spent the first year of graduate school pulling back into the shadows, believing I had nothing much to contribute, hoping no one would notice when I wrote something stupid.”[3]
For both DeYoung and I, learning about this vice of pusillanimity was like seeing ourselves in the mirror for the first time. Listen to what I wrote in my journal reflection from 2016 after reading the introduction to this book. “The only word that comes to mind after reading this introduction … of Glittering Vices is WOW! This response is especially warranted when reading about the vice Thomas Aquinas “called pusillanimity, which means ‘smallness of soul.’” The very idea of “smallness of soul” as described by DeYoung, struck me at a very personal and deep level. So deep, in fact, that is not as easy for me to encounter as I would like. The unwillingness to allow God’s work to manifest through me is so difficult to address, that oftentimes it seems easier to “move on” to the next task of business. When recognizing that the root cause of my unwillingness rests solely on my reliance “on [my] own puny powers and [my] focus on [my] own potential for failure” I can no longer deny this vice is about me.
********************************
All of this came back to me this past week as I read about and thought about those first disciples and Jesus’ reaction to their inaction after coming back down the mountain. I know only three of them, Peter, John and James, were with Jesus when he was transfigured on top of that mountain, but Jesus seems to be addressing all of them right before that young boy is healed. And this is because that boy’s father told Jesus that he had sought out, no begged, Jesus’ disciples to help his son, but that could not. You see, that boy’s father didn’t name anyone specifically. He didn’t call anyone specific out and blame them for not helping. Instead, he used the word disciples and in doing so grouped them all, which is why this past week I thought a lot about those first people in that group still known as Jesus’ Disciples.
Have you ever wondered why this father first begged Jesus’ disciples for help instead of going directly to Jesus? What was it about those disciples that led that dad to believe they too could help his son? Did they have some sign on their office door that said they could heal the sick? Was there some sort of billboard on the side of the road informing passersby that if they or their loved ones needed healing look no further than the group known as Jesus’ Disciples? Now I know these seem like funny questions, and to some extent they are, but there is also a level of seriousness in my asking them because clearly this father believed those disciples could heal his son. Why else would he beg them to do so? Like all parents who seek healing for their sick children, this father goes to those whom he believes can help. Just think about what you would do, or maybe have done, when your child or any loved one is sick and turning to you to help them get well. You find out who you should take that sick loved one to, right? So maybe this father had asked around and been referred to those disciples. The truth is, none of us really knows, but I like to think that in this way we today aren’t too far different than our ancestors and I know word of mouth has always existed. No matter what, though, this father believed the disciples could heal his son.
You want to know who else believed? Jesus. But in order to know that you have to look a little earlier in chapter nine. [Read verse 1-2: Then Jesus called the twelve together and gave them power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal.] These words just happen to be verses one and two of this chapter and it makes clear Jesus’ belief in those disciples. They had the power. They had the authority. And they had the belief of their teacher. It seems, though, that there was one thing missing – their own belief, and that my friends, may just be the most critical part of this whole thing, and more often than not the hardest. Even though their Teacher, their Rabbi, told them they could do it – told them they were capable of great things such as healing, their inaction seems to indicate their continued belief that they were incapable.
Even though they had the benefit of firsthand conversation with Jesus where Jesus expressed his belief in them. Told them they were powerful. Told them they were great. They continued living with smallness of soul.
*******************************
It’s a funny thing isn’t it, when everyone around you believes in you, but that is still not enough. Yet I can think of countless examples of people and countless examples of times, where one’s lack of belief in themselves causes them to give up. Causes them to say I can’t. Truth be told, I don’t really find it funny, I find it sad and I find it frustrating. It’s both sad and frustrating when I shrink back and rely on my own puny powers. And it’s both sad and frustrating when others around me to the same.
That smallness of soul is a dream-crusher my friends. Living life with smallness of soul ensures that you are not listening to Jesus. And why is this important, because when they were on that mountain top, covered up by the clouds, the voice of God provided one direction – LISTEN TO HIM.
Which may just be why I hear frustration in Jesus’ voice when he addresses the disciples after coming down from the mountain. And if so, then I understand that frustration too. For me that is part of the beauty of this story. I understand the disciple’s smallness of soul and I understand Jesus’ frustration with their smallness of soul. And here’s the thing, because I understand that frustration, I also hear the love in what Jesus is saying to them. If I put them in my own words I might say, I will always believe in you and it is clear that others believe in you too, but nothing will ever change in your world until you believe in you too.
It can be so frustrating to the one who believes in the other, when the other keeps choosing to shrink back and say I can’t. But that frustration is purely the result of the love we have for the other. Yes it can feel demanding, but it can also help you overcome yourself and achieve the greatness you are capable of.
********************************
Right before I came into the sanctuary today, Don Yeager stopped me and wanted to talk to me about … Wanted to say congratulations for running the half marathon. Then he wanted to talk to me about… Wanted to say to me… I did a post on Facebook after I finished and and he wanted talk to me about that. He said that what I said about my dad was especially meaningful for him. So here is the gist of what I said in that post… Y’all there are there were little over 20,000 people who ran in this half marathon. I don't know about ran - most walked, which was a problem for me because my body had been telling me for the last 2 weeks before this half marathon that it wasn’t sure - And to our medical professionals here they may know what I’m talking about what I’m talking about my IT band. The band that goes from your hip down your knee. Well in my right leg it was telling me… Yeah, I’m pretty mad at you. Now when that IT Band flames up your leg almost becomes unusable.
Well with a little over 20,000 people running through Disney… We started at Epcot but then we went through the Magic Kingdom and Y’all some of these Magic Kingdom areas that you walk through feel like they are only this big [spreading arms as wide as center aisle of sanctuary]. Well when you take 20,000 people you have pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter. Then the person in front of you stops you have to move to the side. Now that lateral movement caused my knee to flare up 3 miles in and I knew I had 10 more miles to do on this thing and my knee is already struggling.
Then 10 miles in… let me back up – for those of you who don’t already know, my father has been suffering for the past 21 years from Parkinson’s disease and Dementia. He is to the point now, and has been there for quite a while, where he really cannot talk. He is sedentary. He can’t move at all. He essentially sits in a corner in a wheelchair all day. Any yet, he showed up at mile 10.
My dad was a runner for most of my childhood. I wasn’t. I hated running. I played sports and I loved playing sports. Hated running but loved playing sports. Now there were times when I would go along with my dad on his runs. A half a mile in I’d start into my complaining. Probably the “I can’t”. Right? The pusillanimous part of me was saying I can’t, and my Dad would say “boy that’s just side stitch. Keep on moving.” Right?
“Boy that’s just side stitch. Don’t talk about it anymore. Keep on moving.” I hated it at the time. Why won’t he just hear what I’m saying and tell me it’s OK to stop? Well I now know he wouldn’t do that because he loved me too much.
So, he showed up mile 10, literally in ways I’ve never experienced. Almost as though he was with me running the last 3 miles. And every time I wanted to say “I can’t… I can’t.” He kept saying “YES YOU CAN! I BELIEVE IN YOU SON! KEEP MOVING!” And I did. I looked ugly, I promise you, because when my Dad showed up the emotion took over.
The thing is he showed up to tell me that he believed in me.
Don Yeager then shared with me the reason this meant so much to him. Growing up his father was always in Don’s corner at every one of his mixed martial arts competitions.
Now Don told me I could share this story with you.
Just last year he got back into mixed martial arts and he was in a competition and someone took what he called a cheap shot at his knee. Don went down and the referee asked, “can you continue?”
Now before he responded, Don said “I saw my Dad. Now he wasn’t there, but I heard him say ‘Don. Stand Up!’ Now, when Don was telling me this his face [demonstrating a clinched frustrated look] and I stopped him and I said, “It’s interesting, did you sense his frustration at the time. And Don said, “No… not at the time. He was just that kind of Dad… ‘Stand Up!’”
And I said, “it’s interesting isn’t it because you heard that as love” and Don responded by saying “absolutely even though the facial expression told you something else.
“Stand Up!” “Get Up!”
Then I said to Don, “I wonder if that’s what Jesus felt when he came back down off that mountain? He had already told them that they could heal. He had already told them that he believed in them. So, I wonder if what we heard a min ago in frustrated tones was really love.
You see we all need people to believe in us. The Good News is that Jesus does and Amen for that!
[1] DeYoung, Rebecca Konyndyk, Glittering Vices, pg 9
[2] Id.
[3] Id.
Luke 9:28-36 (37-43)
A couple of weeks ago, Daniel, Becky and I were having one of those casual office conversations. About what exactly, I’m not sure, but for one reason or another something in a book I read back in the spring of 2016 came to mind. So, I went into my office to pull the book, Glittering Vices, off the bookshelf. First, I wanted to refresh my own recollection, and second, I wanted to read a particular section to them. That section was about a vice Thomas Aquinas called pusillanimity.
Now and if you are anything like the three of us, my saying the word pusillanimity may be the first time you have ever heard it and if that is so, then I think it fair to say you aren’t really sure what it means. In revisiting this book, written by Rebecca Konyndyk DeYoung, I was reminded that this idea of pusillanimity was how the book started. In fact, it was found on the first page of the Introduction. This is where we learn how DeYoung’s research on the virtue of Courage led her to learn about Aquinas’ take on pusillanimity, which really means smallness of soul. According to Aquinas, “Those afflicted by this vice shrink back from all that God has called them to be. When faced with the effort and difficulty of stretching themselves to the great things of which they are capable, they cringe and say, ‘I can’t’… [they] rely on their own puny powers and focus on their own potential for failure, rather than counting on God’s grace to equip them for great work… work beyond anything they might have dreamed of for themselves.”
This concept of smallness of soul took DeYoung back to her first year of graduate school when she wished more than anything to be somewhere else. Not because she didn’t want to further her study, rather she writes, “Everyone in my classes seemed so smart, so witty, so well read, so eager and able to ask brilliant and insightful questions.”[1] She recalls all sorts of questions that came to mind in her new-found state of lowliness. “How did I – obviously so inferior – ever get admitted with these people? How soon would they find out who I really was (or wasn’t), and quietly shoo me out the back door in disgrace?”[2] She began asking herself. Ultimately, she writes “I spent the first year of graduate school pulling back into the shadows, believing I had nothing much to contribute, hoping no one would notice when I wrote something stupid.”[3]
For both DeYoung and I, learning about this vice of pusillanimity was like seeing ourselves in the mirror for the first time. Listen to what I wrote in my journal reflection from 2016 after reading the introduction to this book. “The only word that comes to mind after reading this introduction … of Glittering Vices is WOW! This response is especially warranted when reading about the vice Thomas Aquinas “called pusillanimity, which means ‘smallness of soul.’” The very idea of “smallness of soul” as described by DeYoung, struck me at a very personal and deep level. So deep, in fact, that is not as easy for me to encounter as I would like. The unwillingness to allow God’s work to manifest through me is so difficult to address, that oftentimes it seems easier to “move on” to the next task of business. When recognizing that the root cause of my unwillingness rests solely on my reliance “on [my] own puny powers and [my] focus on [my] own potential for failure” I can no longer deny this vice is about me.
********************************
All of this came back to me this past week as I read about and thought about those first disciples and Jesus’ reaction to their inaction after coming back down the mountain. I know only three of them, Peter, John and James, were with Jesus when he was transfigured on top of that mountain, but Jesus seems to be addressing all of them right before that young boy is healed. And this is because that boy’s father told Jesus that he had sought out, no begged, Jesus’ disciples to help his son, but that could not. You see, that boy’s father didn’t name anyone specifically. He didn’t call anyone specific out and blame them for not helping. Instead, he used the word disciples and in doing so grouped them all, which is why this past week I thought a lot about those first people in that group still known as Jesus’ Disciples.
Have you ever wondered why this father first begged Jesus’ disciples for help instead of going directly to Jesus? What was it about those disciples that led that dad to believe they too could help his son? Did they have some sign on their office door that said they could heal the sick? Was there some sort of billboard on the side of the road informing passersby that if they or their loved ones needed healing look no further than the group known as Jesus’ Disciples? Now I know these seem like funny questions, and to some extent they are, but there is also a level of seriousness in my asking them because clearly this father believed those disciples could heal his son. Why else would he beg them to do so? Like all parents who seek healing for their sick children, this father goes to those whom he believes can help. Just think about what you would do, or maybe have done, when your child or any loved one is sick and turning to you to help them get well. You find out who you should take that sick loved one to, right? So maybe this father had asked around and been referred to those disciples. The truth is, none of us really knows, but I like to think that in this way we today aren’t too far different than our ancestors and I know word of mouth has always existed. No matter what, though, this father believed the disciples could heal his son.
You want to know who else believed? Jesus. But in order to know that you have to look a little earlier in chapter nine. [Read verse 1-2: Then Jesus called the twelve together and gave them power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal.] These words just happen to be verses one and two of this chapter and it makes clear Jesus’ belief in those disciples. They had the power. They had the authority. And they had the belief of their teacher. It seems, though, that there was one thing missing – their own belief, and that my friends, may just be the most critical part of this whole thing, and more often than not the hardest. Even though their Teacher, their Rabbi, told them they could do it – told them they were capable of great things such as healing, their inaction seems to indicate their continued belief that they were incapable.
Even though they had the benefit of firsthand conversation with Jesus where Jesus expressed his belief in them. Told them they were powerful. Told them they were great. They continued living with smallness of soul.
*******************************
It’s a funny thing isn’t it, when everyone around you believes in you, but that is still not enough. Yet I can think of countless examples of people and countless examples of times, where one’s lack of belief in themselves causes them to give up. Causes them to say I can’t. Truth be told, I don’t really find it funny, I find it sad and I find it frustrating. It’s both sad and frustrating when I shrink back and rely on my own puny powers. And it’s both sad and frustrating when others around me to the same.
That smallness of soul is a dream-crusher my friends. Living life with smallness of soul ensures that you are not listening to Jesus. And why is this important, because when they were on that mountain top, covered up by the clouds, the voice of God provided one direction – LISTEN TO HIM.
Which may just be why I hear frustration in Jesus’ voice when he addresses the disciples after coming down from the mountain. And if so, then I understand that frustration too. For me that is part of the beauty of this story. I understand the disciple’s smallness of soul and I understand Jesus’ frustration with their smallness of soul. And here’s the thing, because I understand that frustration, I also hear the love in what Jesus is saying to them. If I put them in my own words I might say, I will always believe in you and it is clear that others believe in you too, but nothing will ever change in your world until you believe in you too.
It can be so frustrating to the one who believes in the other, when the other keeps choosing to shrink back and say I can’t. But that frustration is purely the result of the love we have for the other. Yes it can feel demanding, but it can also help you overcome yourself and achieve the greatness you are capable of.
********************************
Right before I came into the sanctuary today, Don Yeager stopped me and wanted to talk to me about … Wanted to say congratulations for running the half marathon. Then he wanted to talk to me about… Wanted to say to me… I did a post on Facebook after I finished and and he wanted talk to me about that. He said that what I said about my dad was especially meaningful for him. So here is the gist of what I said in that post… Y’all there are there were little over 20,000 people who ran in this half marathon. I don't know about ran - most walked, which was a problem for me because my body had been telling me for the last 2 weeks before this half marathon that it wasn’t sure - And to our medical professionals here they may know what I’m talking about what I’m talking about my IT band. The band that goes from your hip down your knee. Well in my right leg it was telling me… Yeah, I’m pretty mad at you. Now when that IT Band flames up your leg almost becomes unusable.
Well with a little over 20,000 people running through Disney… We started at Epcot but then we went through the Magic Kingdom and Y’all some of these Magic Kingdom areas that you walk through feel like they are only this big [spreading arms as wide as center aisle of sanctuary]. Well when you take 20,000 people you have pitter patter, pitter patter, pitter patter. Then the person in front of you stops you have to move to the side. Now that lateral movement caused my knee to flare up 3 miles in and I knew I had 10 more miles to do on this thing and my knee is already struggling.
Then 10 miles in… let me back up – for those of you who don’t already know, my father has been suffering for the past 21 years from Parkinson’s disease and Dementia. He is to the point now, and has been there for quite a while, where he really cannot talk. He is sedentary. He can’t move at all. He essentially sits in a corner in a wheelchair all day. Any yet, he showed up at mile 10.
My dad was a runner for most of my childhood. I wasn’t. I hated running. I played sports and I loved playing sports. Hated running but loved playing sports. Now there were times when I would go along with my dad on his runs. A half a mile in I’d start into my complaining. Probably the “I can’t”. Right? The pusillanimous part of me was saying I can’t, and my Dad would say “boy that’s just side stitch. Keep on moving.” Right?
“Boy that’s just side stitch. Don’t talk about it anymore. Keep on moving.” I hated it at the time. Why won’t he just hear what I’m saying and tell me it’s OK to stop? Well I now know he wouldn’t do that because he loved me too much.
So, he showed up mile 10, literally in ways I’ve never experienced. Almost as though he was with me running the last 3 miles. And every time I wanted to say “I can’t… I can’t.” He kept saying “YES YOU CAN! I BELIEVE IN YOU SON! KEEP MOVING!” And I did. I looked ugly, I promise you, because when my Dad showed up the emotion took over.
The thing is he showed up to tell me that he believed in me.
Don Yeager then shared with me the reason this meant so much to him. Growing up his father was always in Don’s corner at every one of his mixed martial arts competitions.
Now Don told me I could share this story with you.
Just last year he got back into mixed martial arts and he was in a competition and someone took what he called a cheap shot at his knee. Don went down and the referee asked, “can you continue?”
Now before he responded, Don said “I saw my Dad. Now he wasn’t there, but I heard him say ‘Don. Stand Up!’ Now, when Don was telling me this his face [demonstrating a clinched frustrated look] and I stopped him and I said, “It’s interesting, did you sense his frustration at the time. And Don said, “No… not at the time. He was just that kind of Dad… ‘Stand Up!’”
And I said, “it’s interesting isn’t it because you heard that as love” and Don responded by saying “absolutely even though the facial expression told you something else.
“Stand Up!” “Get Up!”
Then I said to Don, “I wonder if that’s what Jesus felt when he came back down off that mountain? He had already told them that they could heal. He had already told them that he believed in them. So, I wonder if what we heard a min ago in frustrated tones was really love.
You see we all need people to believe in us. The Good News is that Jesus does and Amen for that!
[1] DeYoung, Rebecca Konyndyk, Glittering Vices, pg 9
[2] Id.
[3] Id.
